i have been thinking about so you think you can dance. i thought the dance with anya and danny was incredibly... well, i guess i'm just too delicate. but it was so... sexist? danny strutting around (danny being, it seems important to note, almost overly-obviously gay, as i see it) and anya throwing herself at him and being tossed away. and seriously, when he grabs her wrists they seem, well, it looks like he's hurting her or trying to. it was awful and made me really upset to watch. other than that, i liked the dances in this episode. i voted for sabra and dominic, though i considered voting for sara.

ALSO.

to all the people (including my doctor) who told me that the colposcopy wouldn't hurt:

you are all. fucking. LIARS.

i was literally crying. crying. the doctor laughed at me a little because i guess other people are calmer. i am still having cramps.

do any of you have something about your body that makes you physically... uncomfortable or sick just to think about? like, some people can't think about things touching their eyes or about things going in their ears. i cannot cannot cannot cannot stand the idea of anything touching my cervix. this may be one of the weirdest things ever, but there's nothing i can do to change it. so the fact that she wielded this long metal curette and scraped the inside of my cervix. this was one of the most painful and awful things that's ever happened to me, and i got a fuckin' TATTOO.

oh well. it's over and she said it looks okay; mild dysplasia probably. paps every 3-4 months. more cervix-touching: great.