you know what i wish? i wish that the blood tests i had yesterday would just say that i was hypothyroid. then i could explain everything wrong with me without having to take any personal responsibility for fixing them. oh, and laziness is a symptom of hypothyroidism, too, so i could even explain my lack of desire to fix anything. IT WOULD BE PERFECT. instead, i believe, i have neither thyroid problems nor anemia and my sleep is just fucked up because of anxiety and my anxiety is high because i'm depressed and i'm depressed because... well, i guess if i knew that, i wouldn't be depressed?

school is school. done in two more years, but some days that feels like forever. other days, like not long enough, and i wonder if a phd would make me more hireable? phd in sustainable development from columbia? in law and society from nyu? in government from the new school? maybe i should do something totally different and go to rabbinical school and spend my life writing on law, environment, and religious ethics? (the most interesting option by far.)

but for the moment, it is just this stuff. don't even have the interesting things other people do, working on their theses and dissertations and such. i am just doing problem sets and having tests and making presentations.

this week, i've learnt: how a heat pump works, how the electrical grid is monitored and managed in the US, how public benefits funds work, how to use excel to solve simple linear programs, what postmodernists think about conflicts of interest, how CERCLA was developed, and what the bali action plan says (it's boring, don't read it).

mayhaps i should have gotten a social science degree instead of this one? damn.

oh, and hey, i thought that teleflora commercial was funny. i am, apparently, an idiot.