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friday, i'm in... anxiety?

some days i have a fine day, and then suddenly something little will completely destroy it. presentation review by one of my professors that was snide and unhelpful. no particular sentence was particularly rude, but since i know her, i know the tone, and now i want to cry.

i know these feelings, the ones that come right before anxiety makes me twitchy and useless. i get hot, my pulse and blood pressure rise, i get an acidy pain in my chest, my pupils dilate, my hands start to shake. it is awful, and then it gets worse and then it sticks around for hours, sometimes.

i wish i had tools for dealing with this. i'm trying really hard, but i feel like things are just getting worse. why should something so stupid so completel undo me? i don't know, but it does. and now i just don't want to cry in public.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 28th, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
Feb. 28th, 2009 04:07 am (UTC)
Ack. Being critical is one thing, but snide & unhelpful? Since I don't *hug*, have some *fistbumps*.

(And I have to present on Monday, myself, so. Ugh.)
Feb. 28th, 2009 05:07 am (UTC)

Totally understand.

I was shaking and hot and almost crying after a work phone call with an unpleasant person yesterday.

Edited at 2009-02-28 05:08 am (UTC)
Feb. 28th, 2009 09:06 am (UTC)
Oh man, I hope things do get better. I've totally had similar dealings with a professor before, and the whole: dammit, not here, tears.

Feb. 28th, 2009 09:11 am (UTC)
I really hope things get better for you <3
Mar. 1st, 2009 03:53 am (UTC)
hah, see, if you were on twitter, you would know i felt the exact same way last night.

i always feel like i can handle the really big things, but then there's like one comment that i know is meant in a snarky way, and kind of mean, and they are hoping i won't get it - or something - and i just break down. and it's all about not crying in public, and then crying in the bathroom. or wherever.

i can suggest something to make it easier though . . . the mindfulness techniques have really come to helping me deal with the the aftermath. or - okay, honestly? yesterday i totally lost it. and, because you know me, i will admit this - i needed to stop, right? i needed a distraction that would fully pull me out of it and allow me to sleep. so, i pulled out "night and fog" and started watching it again. within 15 minutes, i turned the dvd off, and fell asleep easily. you need your own version of "night and fog".

also, i really do need to upload a bunch of the mindfulness tapes i have. i have two of linehan - one as distress tolerance, one as mindfulness, and two of kabot-zinn, all mindfulness. i have them in ipod format, and i have the thing to change them to mp3s. i just don't know how to upload them, or where to! hah.

hope you are feeling better.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )